February 2009
How do I start a conversation???
02/16/09 Filed in: how to study
Sometimes I walk into a classroom a few minutes early and several students are sitting there...
...silently.
No chat; no conversation whatsoever; avoiding eye-contact. The atmosphere is uncomfortable to say the least.
When this happens, I often instruct one of the students to start a conversation––and then walk out again. I reenter after a couple minutes and see how its progressing.
At times, students have indicated that the school should create an “environment” which would make starting conversations easier.
On our walls we have a poster listing phrases to use when a student must, for some reason, use Japanese: “May I speak Japanese?” “How can I say ~~~ in English?” “I’d like to speak Japanese.” And so forth.
Some have suggested that we make a similar poster with expressions for starting conversations.
They’re seeking a magic bullet––a never-fail, instant English phrase guaranteed to appropriately start a conversation in any circumstance.
I won’t be putting up such a poster.
Japanese daily conversation makes extensive use of set-expressions: dômo, tadaima, sumimasen, gambatte, gokurôsan, itadakimasu, sô desu ne, osakini...the list goes on and on. Those of us who have spent any extended amount of time here soon realize that by memorizing the most common of these, we can duly impress/bluff many with our quickly acquired conversation skill.
Many Japanese students of foreign languages go about their studies attempting to nail down similar all-purpose expressions in the language they aim to master.
Picture poor Mr. Tanaka transferred from his home office in Japan to a post in the United States:
Monday:
Co-worker - “’Mornin,’ Mr. Tanaka. How are you?
Mr. T - “I’m fine, thank you.”
Tuesday:
Co-worker - “Hi, Mr. Tanaka. How’s it going?
Mr. T - “I’m fine, thank you.”
Wednesday:
Co-worker - “Hey, Mr. Tanaka. What’s up?
Mr. T - “I’m fine, thank you.”
Thursday:
Co-worker - “Good morning, Mr. Tanaka How are things?
Mr. T - “I’m fine, thank you.”
Friday:
Co-worker - “Hi, Mr. Tanaka. What’s new?
Mr. T - “I’m fine, thank you.”
Very quickly, poor, well-meaning Mr. Tanaka is going to get a reputation for not being very talkative, a little cold, and perhaps even a bit odd.
This is where over-dependence on set-phrases will get you.
So, to get back to the point, how do we start conversations without relying on a magic list of set expressions to memorize?
First and foremost, get outside of yourself. You’re not the center of the world. Consider and focus on the person you intend to talk to.
In the classroom situation, you likely already know the other students and over time––if you were listening (which you should have been)––have come to learn quite a bit of personal details about them: work, family, interests, goals, problems, etc.
This is your raw material to work with. Draw on it to start the conversation. Forget about yourself and your list of opening lines. Give your full attention to the other person and, from what you know about him or her, it should be quite easy to start talking:
“How’s your new project going?”
“Is your daughter feeling better?”
“Any good results recently?” (in the case of a researcher)
“Are you ready for your conference in Europe?”
“Did you go skiing last weekend?”
“It must be hard to sleep with a new baby in the house.”
Of course the possibilities are limitless.
And the old rule applies here, too: If you want others to smile at you, smile at them first.
In other words, don’t passively wait for the other person to start the conversation. It’s your job, and the sooner you do it the easier it is. That is, the longer you sit there silently feeling uncomfortable, the more difficult it’ll be to break the inertia and get going.
If you want to swim, jump in the pool.
...silently.
No chat; no conversation whatsoever; avoiding eye-contact. The atmosphere is uncomfortable to say the least.
When this happens, I often instruct one of the students to start a conversation––and then walk out again. I reenter after a couple minutes and see how its progressing.
At times, students have indicated that the school should create an “environment” which would make starting conversations easier.
On our walls we have a poster listing phrases to use when a student must, for some reason, use Japanese: “May I speak Japanese?” “How can I say ~~~ in English?” “I’d like to speak Japanese.” And so forth.
Some have suggested that we make a similar poster with expressions for starting conversations.
They’re seeking a magic bullet––a never-fail, instant English phrase guaranteed to appropriately start a conversation in any circumstance.
I won’t be putting up such a poster.
Japanese daily conversation makes extensive use of set-expressions: dômo, tadaima, sumimasen, gambatte, gokurôsan, itadakimasu, sô desu ne, osakini...the list goes on and on. Those of us who have spent any extended amount of time here soon realize that by memorizing the most common of these, we can duly impress/bluff many with our quickly acquired conversation skill.
Many Japanese students of foreign languages go about their studies attempting to nail down similar all-purpose expressions in the language they aim to master.
Picture poor Mr. Tanaka transferred from his home office in Japan to a post in the United States:
Monday:
Co-worker - “’Mornin,’ Mr. Tanaka. How are you?
Mr. T - “I’m fine, thank you.”
Tuesday:
Co-worker - “Hi, Mr. Tanaka. How’s it going?
Mr. T - “I’m fine, thank you.”
Wednesday:
Co-worker - “Hey, Mr. Tanaka. What’s up?
Mr. T - “I’m fine, thank you.”
Thursday:
Co-worker - “Good morning, Mr. Tanaka How are things?
Mr. T - “I’m fine, thank you.”
Friday:
Co-worker - “Hi, Mr. Tanaka. What’s new?
Mr. T - “I’m fine, thank you.”
Very quickly, poor, well-meaning Mr. Tanaka is going to get a reputation for not being very talkative, a little cold, and perhaps even a bit odd.
This is where over-dependence on set-phrases will get you.
So, to get back to the point, how do we start conversations without relying on a magic list of set expressions to memorize?
First and foremost, get outside of yourself. You’re not the center of the world. Consider and focus on the person you intend to talk to.
In the classroom situation, you likely already know the other students and over time––if you were listening (which you should have been)––have come to learn quite a bit of personal details about them: work, family, interests, goals, problems, etc.
This is your raw material to work with. Draw on it to start the conversation. Forget about yourself and your list of opening lines. Give your full attention to the other person and, from what you know about him or her, it should be quite easy to start talking:
“How’s your new project going?”
“Is your daughter feeling better?”
“Any good results recently?” (in the case of a researcher)
“Are you ready for your conference in Europe?”
“Did you go skiing last weekend?”
“It must be hard to sleep with a new baby in the house.”
Of course the possibilities are limitless.
And the old rule applies here, too: If you want others to smile at you, smile at them first.
In other words, don’t passively wait for the other person to start the conversation. It’s your job, and the sooner you do it the easier it is. That is, the longer you sit there silently feeling uncomfortable, the more difficult it’ll be to break the inertia and get going.
If you want to swim, jump in the pool.