January 2017
I'll be your mirror
01/07/17 Filed in: 勉強法
One of the best ways to interact with people is to 'mirror' them. Mirroring is a technique used to build rapport with others and create genuine connections. You can utilize this technique when you have conversations in English by mimicking someone’s speech patterns, using the same kind of vocabulary they do, and by reflecting their gestures and poses.
Firstly, being able to mimic someone’s speech patterns will lay the groundwork for a solid conversation. You can do this by subtly copying the sentence structures someone uses. You can also simulate their intonation. If they speak in a soft voice, you can adopt a matching tone. You can even pause during sentences in a manner similar to theirs. All of these factors will help make that person feel important and understood. Remember to keep the tone positive and upbeat wherever possible. Also, try not to be obvious as this will have the opposite effect to the one you are aiming for.
Next, by using the same kind of vocabulary as someone, you will be able to gain their trust. I went to an international school in Tokyo and quickly learned that I needed to tone down my British accent and adjust my language depending on who I was talking to if I wanted to fit in. When I was conversing with my Aussie friends, I would casually drop in some Australian slang and, likewise, with my American friends, I would tend to use jargon that was familiar to them. "Football" became "soccer" and so on. I developed the ability to switch between accents and argots which helped me to make a lot of friends. All my Japanese friends who went to that particular international school also tuned their speech to fit in - their accents were by-and-large mainstream American and eventually most of them ended up studying at Ivy League colleges in the U.S. even though they hadn't started learning and speaking English until the beginning of junior high school.
How can you familiarize yourself with the lexicon of a particular group though? The best route is through popular culture. Listen to the same music, watch the same TV shows, check out the same websites. You'll absorb the right kind of language you need over time.
Finally, reflecting someone's gestures and poses will really help to cement a connection. However, when doing this you first need to gauge what the other person is comfortable with. People from Japan tend to shy away from physical contact like handshakes but if you are in America or Europe they are expected, along with steady eye contact. People in those countries often comment positively that someone has a "firm handshake" and "looks you straight in the eye." After making the initial connection, try and observe the other person as much as possible, so that you can figure out the appropriate way to act. You can also subtly echo their body language by adopting a symmetrical pose when sitting, or drinking with your right hand if they use their left and so on. This will all help to put them at ease and feel like they have something in common with you. I recently realized that this kind of mirroring is something I do unconsciously with classes that I have taught for a while and know very well. We mirror each other instinctively because there is a mutual sense of trust and understanding. Again, with this aspect of the mirroring technique, you must be careful not to be too deliberate in your movements or the spell will be broken.
By mimicking speech patterns, using the same kind of vocabulary, and by reflecting gestures and poses, you will be able to make new connections and network effectively in English. People will feel that you empathize with them and will be more likely to want to collaborate with you. Think of each interaction like a gentle tennis rally. Essentially, you need to "keep the ball moving" by constantly watching what the other person is doing and responding accordingly. At first, it takes a lot of effort and concentration, but after a while it should become second nature.
Firstly, being able to mimic someone’s speech patterns will lay the groundwork for a solid conversation. You can do this by subtly copying the sentence structures someone uses. You can also simulate their intonation. If they speak in a soft voice, you can adopt a matching tone. You can even pause during sentences in a manner similar to theirs. All of these factors will help make that person feel important and understood. Remember to keep the tone positive and upbeat wherever possible. Also, try not to be obvious as this will have the opposite effect to the one you are aiming for.
Next, by using the same kind of vocabulary as someone, you will be able to gain their trust. I went to an international school in Tokyo and quickly learned that I needed to tone down my British accent and adjust my language depending on who I was talking to if I wanted to fit in. When I was conversing with my Aussie friends, I would casually drop in some Australian slang and, likewise, with my American friends, I would tend to use jargon that was familiar to them. "Football" became "soccer" and so on. I developed the ability to switch between accents and argots which helped me to make a lot of friends. All my Japanese friends who went to that particular international school also tuned their speech to fit in - their accents were by-and-large mainstream American and eventually most of them ended up studying at Ivy League colleges in the U.S. even though they hadn't started learning and speaking English until the beginning of junior high school.
How can you familiarize yourself with the lexicon of a particular group though? The best route is through popular culture. Listen to the same music, watch the same TV shows, check out the same websites. You'll absorb the right kind of language you need over time.
Finally, reflecting someone's gestures and poses will really help to cement a connection. However, when doing this you first need to gauge what the other person is comfortable with. People from Japan tend to shy away from physical contact like handshakes but if you are in America or Europe they are expected, along with steady eye contact. People in those countries often comment positively that someone has a "firm handshake" and "looks you straight in the eye." After making the initial connection, try and observe the other person as much as possible, so that you can figure out the appropriate way to act. You can also subtly echo their body language by adopting a symmetrical pose when sitting, or drinking with your right hand if they use their left and so on. This will all help to put them at ease and feel like they have something in common with you. I recently realized that this kind of mirroring is something I do unconsciously with classes that I have taught for a while and know very well. We mirror each other instinctively because there is a mutual sense of trust and understanding. Again, with this aspect of the mirroring technique, you must be careful not to be too deliberate in your movements or the spell will be broken.
By mimicking speech patterns, using the same kind of vocabulary, and by reflecting gestures and poses, you will be able to make new connections and network effectively in English. People will feel that you empathize with them and will be more likely to want to collaborate with you. Think of each interaction like a gentle tennis rally. Essentially, you need to "keep the ball moving" by constantly watching what the other person is doing and responding accordingly. At first, it takes a lot of effort and concentration, but after a while it should become second nature.
Dan